Friday, December 4, 2009

Money Maker

have something important to tell you, but first you have to promise not to tell anyone else. I have a way to get dirty filthy stinking rich! It took me many years to come up with my method, but I guarantee that it's almost flawless! I am living proof that you'll need almost nothing when you are through! But how did I do it?

I came up with a plan that was wonderful right from the start. The idea was to make counterfeit money! I began by figuring out an almost flawless way to print up the money. It took many years to solve this first major problem, but after a lot of thinking and hard work, I had it so almost nobody could tell the difference between my money and the real stuff. And the best part is that it's so easy do! I can make as much as I want whenever I want.

The next problem was going to be distribution. How was I going to actually spend this money without anybody suspecting what was going on. I couldn't just start behaving as if I was rich over night! So the money couldn't just come from me. After all, I knew the money looked very real, but I already mentioned it wasn't flawless. I had to think of a better way.

After thinking it through very thoroughly, I finally came up with the best method to distribute my money. I wouldn't spend it myself. I would sell it to several business owners throughout the country who needed extra funds. I figured I would trade each one of them whatever amount they could handle, and each person would then give me half that amount in real money. By going through all these middle men, no one would suspect what was happening because the money would never be all spent in one place.

As long as none of these people knew any of the others, I could do this forever without getting caught. Even if one person was too careless, he would never be able to reveal the others in our little network. Going through these businesses meant that nobody would think to check because they weren't spending much more money than they usually did. It was the perfect plan, and it has worked well for several years now!

And now here am. As I write this, I live in the lap of luxury. My big counterfeit scheme really paid off. I don't have to worry about money anymore, that's for sure! I have this place here all to myself. Everything is done for me, and I have everything I need right here. The only problem I have is another prisoner named Joe Bob who wants to make me his wife!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

It's Coming

Here I sit in the dim light of my living room. The TV is a forgotten quiet glow in the background. I try to distract myself by looking around the room, but my thoughts are on only one thing. It dominates everything, because I know it's coming.

There is nobody else around to help me when it comes, and nobody else to ever care. The thoughts that run through my mind all return to what will happen when it gets here. I know it's coming, and there's just nothing I can do right now. But what will I do then?

How do I prepare for when it comes? What should I do? I know I have to be ready, so I won't leave this room. The more I think about it, the harder it gets. I begin to shake a little and I start to sweat. My mouth goes from dry to wet, and my vision blurs. The time seems to stretch on forever as if to tease me before the time when it comes.

I continue to sit there in the darkness not knowing what I'll do. Should I call somebody, or just face it alone? I know it's coming because I was fully warned. The hard part is not knowing exactly when it will get here. Why does it keep me waiting here like a worm dangling on a hook waiting to be eaten?

Just when I decide that maybe I should call, I hear a strange sound outside. My heart begins to pound loud in my chest, and my whole body tenses with anticipation of this inevitable event. Then I hear a sound on my front porch, almost a whisper. I wait not knowing if it's my imagination or maybe my worst fear.

Then finally as an eternity passes I hear a loud bang on the door! I jump to my feet as the door bangs for a second time! I know I need to be fast so I can be ready for it! Bang! A third time that pounding crashes into my front door! I move swiftly to intercept it, and bound across the room!

As I put my hand on the door and begin to use all of my strength, I ask in a meek voice, "Who... who is it?"

Then from out of the night comes the booming reply, "PIZZA DELIVERY!"

Ahh, it's finally here!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Demon Hunter's Dog

It had been only a few years since everything had changed for him, but it seemed like a lifetime to the demon hunter. Now he found himself standing at the edge of the parking lot of an old boarded up liquor store. It was about three hours before dawn, so everything around was bathed in darkness.

He barely remembered getting the order to come here to take care of a problem. He was always contacted at unexpected times, but he knew all of this was necessary. After discovering his unusual powers, he met the mysterious ones who had shown him that demons desperately wanted into this dimension so they could bring misery and death to every human on the face of the planet.

The mysterious ones had patiently explained that he was one of the very few humans that could stop the demons from carrying out their evil plans. You see, after being haunted by one of the evil demons for much of his childhood, he had finally discovered why the thing had never seemed to be able to really hurt him. It was an inner strength that almost nobody else had, and that was of course part of his special power.

After finally finding the courage to banish that first demon back to where it came from, he was contacted by the mysterious ones, and it was then that he had been recruited to defend the human race from what the demons were doing. The demons meant to fight a war on all of humanity, and at this time humanity was losing badly.

He wished someone else could do this terrible job, but he knew that most normal people were oblivious to the disaster that was about to befall them. Besides, he was one of the few that understood how the demons were able to come here, and how to send them back.

After being taught many things by the mysterious ones, including the true nature of good and evil, he had begun going on these missions to banish the demons from this plane of existence. He was now well experienced as a demon hunter after only a few short years. It had become routine business for him.

Now he found himself standing here in this dark parking lot. As he began the search for his new target, he got a little surprise! His dog had somehow followed him here, even though he thought he had left her safe at home. He didn't want her involved in this, but it was too late to take her back home now. That could be a fatal mistake. The demon he was looking for might just follow them.

The hunter and the dog both discovered it at the same time. At the back of the parking lot, in front of a small forest, was an abandoned car! They both could sense that the demon he had come for was hiding in that car waiting for something! Demons were easy to find for anyone who knew what to look for. They gave off a kind of glow. It was a glow of darkness instead of a glow of light. Basically, they radiated an evil kind of darkness.

As he made a move to step towards the old wreck, his dog quickly put herself in front of him and began to whimper! She also sensed what was over there, and she was terrified. She didn't understand that he was a demon hunter and that he was more than a match for that evil creature. She only knew that there was something very dangerous and she wanted desperately to protect him from it.

The dog began to cry a little bit louder while refusing to be moved out of the way. Then she moved up to the demon hunter and tried to nudge him away from the danger. This human was the whole world for the poor dog for most of her life, and she couldn't bear to see anything bad happen to him. The man understood exactly how the dog felt, but he had a job to do. And if he didn't do it now, they'd both be in grave danger.

Even while keeping a close eye on the hiding place of the demon, he reached down and gently petted his faithful companion to try and reassure her that everything was alright. He desperately wanted her to remain safe, just as much as she was concerned for his safety. He had to make sure she stayed where she was while he went over to deal with the problem of the demon.

While petting his dog, he whispered to her that he wanted her to stay there while he went over to have a look. He told her that he knew her concerns, but he understood exactly what he was doing. He said he would be completely safe as long as she did what he told her. He wasn't sure how, but she seemed to understand him, and she seemed to be comforted.

After the demon hunter was sure his pet was alright he turned back toward the abandoned car where the demon was hiding. He could see that the dark aura that came from this evil thing was becoming more intense with every passing second. It radiated out and was even beginning to make the car difficult to see. He knew that meant the demon was aware of his presence. He had to move quickly.

As he walked toward the car, he heard the dog make a few small whimpering sounds, but he knew he wouldn't have to turn back. The hunter knew the dog was still afraid, but he also knew she would be okay, and she would stay right where she was. He was glad of that because he could feel the tension in the air as he moved closer to the car. The demon was bracing itself, getting ready to strike!

As he got next to the car, the demon hunter quickly grabbed the door handle and flung the door open! Out of the darkness the demon leaped at him! It was a pale thin wrinkled thing with long sharp teeth and rags for clothing. It had a mostly humanoid shape, but there was nothing at all human about this horrible monstrous thing.

Just as the demon was about to collide with him, the hunter quickly threw out his hand and smashed it into the head of the horrifying entity! As soon as his hand made contact with it, the demon exploded in a flash of sparkling light! No fight, no struggle. It was quick and clean. The demon was gone. Why it had come to this particular place was a mystery that the hunter didn't need to find out. His job was now done.

This had been a struggle between courage and fear. The hunter knew that demons of this type fed on fear. That's how they gained their strength. His knowledge of this took away all of his fear and all of the demon's strength. After that, it was easy to defeat this evil thing with only a touch. The opposite of fear is courage, and courage always destroyed these evil creatures.

Without looking back, the hunter walked back over to his now very calm dog. The dog greeted him with a wag of her tail as he patted her on the head. They were both glad this was all over. It was just then that the hunter began to wonder how his dog had come here. No normal dog could have followed him all the way to this place.

Now that he thought about it, his dog had always seemed special in some way. There was an intelligence that no other dog seemed to have. Could it be that she had some kind of special power like he did? He was going to have to look at his best friend in a different way from now on. He knew she would be coming with him to these places from now on. How could he stop her?

As they walked away, the demon hunter told his dog that it would get easier for her every time they did this now. Soon her fear would vanish, and she would begin to learn exactly what to do against the demons. She might even be able to defeat the evil ones on her own eventually, but for now they would work together.

Who knows what the future might hold? The demon hunter hoped they could somehow one day make the world safe from the evil scourge that had invaded it. The little dog just hoped she could learn to keep the demon hunter safe. Two different dreams, but they worked very well together. This could be a very good beginning for this new team.

Friday, October 23, 2009

A Whisper In The Night

It was very late at night, and I had just laid down in my bed to prepare for sleep. I had my blankets covering me all over like a shroud, except for the top half of my head. Even though I did this, the night was warm so I had a small fan blowing towards me. Everything was the way I liked it. I was soon drifting off to sleep.

It was easy to sleep in my house. It was a huge old house that had been in the family for years. The house was in a very quiet neighborhood, so there was almost never any noise from outside, not even with my open window. This night wasn't any different. The only real sound to be heard was the gentle blowing sound of the fan.

As I drifted off to sleep I began to hear an alien sound slip into my mind. It was a voice. The voice was only a whisper, but this whisper was as loud as if it was being spoken normally. It was a whisper that wanted me to hear it. It was slowly and rhythmically saying my name over and over. I didn't like it.

No, I didn't like this voice at all. It sounded purposely scary. It was coming from nobody I knew, or wanted to know. But it was still right there next to my ear whispering my name so loud that anyone could hear. How could it be? I was the only person in the house. Nevertheless, the voice still slowly called my name, drawing out each little sound of the letters to make them seem to go on forever.

I knew then that I must be dreaming. That had to be it! I now recognized that feeling of unconsciousness that only a frequent dreamer really knows. I didn't like this dream. The voice had the sound of evil to it. I didn't want to hear it anymore. I had to get away from this horrible voice that would not stop whispering my name in that slow eerie way.

From past dream experiences, I knew that I could eventually wake myself up. All I had to do was concentrate. As I slowly rose to the surface, back to the waking world, the voice finally began to fade. It didn't exactly get quieter. It just drifted into nothingness. By the time I was fully awake, all I heard was the calm whisper of the fan at my bedside.

I opened my eyes, sat up, and looked around the room to ease my fear and move my mind away from the nightmare that I had just suffered. I was relieved to see no ghostly apparition floating in the dark corners of my bedroom, and no sinister sounds drifting around the house. There was only me and the smooth quiet sound of the fan.

After easing my fears, I decided I could now go back to sleep. I laid my head back down and began to drift off. Just as sleep reached out to take me into its warm embrace, the voice slithered its way back into my head, slowly hissing my name over and over. How could I stay asleep if I was to be greeted by something as disturbing as this?

Consciousness flooded back into me! There was only one problem though. The evil voice was still there, and it was still reaching out to me with that sinister hissing whisper. I was too terrified to move or even open my eyes. What horrible sight would greet me if I dared try to look into the darkness of my room?

I laid there in my bed trying not to show any outer sign that I might be awake. My mind was racing because I knew now that this was no dream. I was fully awake! The voice was still going on and on, and I knew this had to somehow stop. I had to find the courage to open my eyes and look at my ghostly tormentor. I had to get free of this evil being!

I decided to move slowly at first to minimize the shock to my system when I saw it. I opened my eyes just a little bit, and was encouraged that it wasn't staring back into my eyes. I slowly lifted my head to look around the room as the voice still whispered out to me. I could now hear where the disgusting sound was coming from.

Right next to my bed this evil voice was coming from the very thing that had before given me comfort. The voice was coming from the fan! I questioned myself to make sure I was indeed awake, and I knew that I definitely was. I also knew in my heart that the fan was not the source of the voice.

Something from somewhere else, a bad place, was using the sound of my fan to communicate through. It had been the only sound in the room, so this evil being must have determined that it was its only resource. This evil creature was trying to reach out into this world through this seemingly mundane source. What could I do to fight against something like this?

The terror in my mind was growing with every second. And as I became more afraid, the voice seemed to get louder and louder. This evil thing must be somehow using my fear to become stronger! What would happen as it's strength grew? Would it be able to cross over to this world all the way? As if to acknowledge my worries, the voice seemed to become even more confident.

This had to stop now before it was too late! But what was I going to do? I reacted in the only way my sleepy mind could. To stop the plans of this evil voice, I lashed out with my fist and slammed it into the fan! The fan went flying across the room and tumbled to a stop. The fan was broken and not moving, and the voice was gone.

The room was now quiet. I listened again for the horrible voice, to make sure it was gone, but all I could hear was my own breathing. The air in the room seemed a little bit less oppressive than it had been before, and the night didn't seem quite so dark. I knew instinctively that this ordeal was now over, at least for tonight.

As I sat there on my bed, I wondered where this voice had come from and what evil thing it had wanted. I was also glad I had the strength of mind to resist it and ultimately send it away. I didn't know why it had come to me, and I didn't want it back. Even though it was all over, I didn't think I would be going back to sleep tonight.

I got up and turned on all of the lights in the house. I wondered what would be on TV this late at night. Maybe I could try to fix the fan when it became light outside. This was going to be a long night.


Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Henry Heinrich's Horrible Hallucination

This is the story of Henry Heinrich, a traveler who lost his way.

Hello, my name is Henry. I have a story to tell you about something that just happened to me. It might seem strange, but I think I've been hallucinating. I mean, it must all be a hallucination, right? It has to be!!!

It all started when I was reading a story on the internet. It was about some idiot that started a war with a bunch of squirrels. The story was kind of stupid but I liked it anyway, so I decided to look through the site. As I started reading I saw that there were some very good ideas on how being out in the middle of nature can relieve some of the stress from our everyday lives, so I decided I might try it for myself.

After one particular tiring day at work, I was driving home through a wooded area. I saw a sign for a nature preserve, and I decided to stop and go in. I noticed it was just like the website said, there was a small dirt trail leading into the woods, and a sign with some park rules. I was still kind of stressed out, and I didn't need no stinking rules, so I walked right in without reading them.

Woodland Hills Nature ParkI have to tell you, after walking for a little ways in the woods, my stress began to melt away. The air smelled so fresh. And there were all sorts of beautiful plants, little animals like squirrels and a few other cute little things. I didn't start any wars though, I was too relaxed now. As a matter of fact, I was feeling so relaxed that I decided to take a little siesta beside a tree that I saw several feet off the trail. Just a short nap, no big thing.

I must have been asleep longer than I thought, because when I woke up it was beginning to get dark. I figured I'd better get up and head on home. I really felt much better now than when I got here. I was going to remember to come back here as often as I could. As I got to my feet, I heard the sound of a man clearing his throat.

I turned toward the sound and saw a man standing there in a white suit. Everything about this guy seemed to sparkle. His suit was the cleanest I've ever seen, complete with odd looking red tie. He was a tall slim man with slicked back black hair and a little thin mustache, and he was looking right at me. If you're not already thinking it, I'll say it. This was really strange out here in the forest!

Since he was staring so intensely at me, I decided to ask him, "Uhmm, is there something you want?"

"Well of course there's something I want," he said. "I want you! I mean, I want to talk to you. I have a deal for you, and I don't think you can refuse this one." I began to put two and two together, and I remembered reading stories like this before. I didn't think he had any deal that I'd really like. This kind of deal never worked out very well for guys like me, and I told him so.

He kind of laughed and said, "That's all in the past! In these modern times I let you think it out before we finalize the deal. In the past it was just my inexperience that led to a few bad endings to a few little agreements."

"What happened with those past agreements? I don't want something bad to happen to me. Not that I'm agreeing to anything, I just want to know," I asked suspiciously.

He said, "Well, there was the time a man asked for one billion dollars and..."

"Wait a minute," I said. "A billion dollars! So you really are..."

"That's right! The one and only, but let me finish," he said. "I gave him the money, all in pennies, and I kind of accidentally dropped it on his house with him inside. That was too bad for him," he chuckled. "We'll make sure that won't happen with you though. You're much smarter than him, and besides, I'll protect you for this one, because I'm trying to repair my bad reputation. It's just not good for business to keep letting my marks die on me."

Forest TrailI didn't like the way this was going, so I asked him how he would guarantee that I wouldn't die. I figured that if I played along, he'd let me leave soon. He said, "Well, I'll make sure you don't ask for anything quite so outrageous as a billion dollars. It's always the greed that does 'em in, so try to ask for something that might help others. You know, like having a superpower or something. You could be some sort of superhero, and I guarantee you won't die."

Actually, I thought, this was getting interesting now. A superpower sounded kind of cool. I know, I could be Superman! Wait, no, that was getting greedy and he said not to be greedy. I'll only pick one superpower, but which one? "I want to fly! I mean, I want the power of flight," I told him.

"A wonderful choice," he exclaimed. "You will have the power of flight. It will last your whole lifetime, and I guarantee that no harm will come to you as a result. Your wish is granted. The deal is done!" As soon as the last words were out of his mouth he disappeared in a puff of smoke.

I was kind of scared, but it was too late, the deal was done. I decided that maybe I should try out my new special power. I jumped into the air, and nothing happened. Just kidding! I flew! I was now soaring freely in the air! I was really flying! I did it! I was the first one to get the better of him in a deal!

Because this was so great, I decided to fly around for the rest of the day. I eventually tired myself out, so I decided to find another nice place to rest, somewhere nearby. I looked down and saw a piece of land in the middle of a small lake. That looked like as good a place as any to take a nap after my first day as the newest superhero.

I woke up to the sound of footsteps coming towards me. I thought it was him again coming to try and change the deal, since I had beaten him so badly. But when I turned to look, I saw a completely different sight. It was some big idiot wearing a hat of fake mouse ears, and a toy eye patch. He was running towards me with a camera in his hand!

He lifted the camera in my direction and took a picture. I angrily looked at him and yelled, "HONK!!!"

Canada Goose

Monday, June 1, 2009


This is my new site, Rat Tales. This site is intended for me to tell fictional stories. Nothing here has ever happened to any real people or animals. These short stories are not intended to be great art. They are just fast food for the mind.