Thursday, October 21, 2010

Rat Tails Homemade Spaghetti Recipe

I have a wonderful recipe for homemade spaghetti that has been handed down from generation to generation. This recipe takes quite a bit of work, but it is well worth it if you really want it to come out just right. I have never had anything else quite like it, and after you taste it you will agree! Now I’m going to bring this never before shared recipe to you. It’s such… a wonderful… thing.

Serves: 6

  • 10 live rats
  • 26 additional rat tails
  • 1/4 cup fresh maggots
  • 4 cups unflushed toilet water
  • 5 cloves garlic, chopped

  1. Firmly holding each live rat over a saucepan, slit that little buggers throat. And now, this is important, squeeze thoroughly until every ounce of blood drains out into the saucepan.
  2. Remove the tails from each rat, and place into separate pile. You should have 36 tails altogether.
  3. Using a meat cleaver, chop off the heads and the limbs from each rat. Chop! Put them aside to be used later.
  4. To debone the rat, using a skinning knife, and cut away the tissue from around the back end, near what’s left of the tailbone, enough to grip it with a few fingers.
  5. Now place the rat on it’s side, and grip the tailbone with your fingers. Position the knife just in front of your hand in the place on the rat where you cut away the tissue, holding it still and very firmly. Pull the rat towards you with your hand as hard and steady as you can. This will cut through the ribs, but also slice the backbone from the rest of the rat. Do this for both sides.
  6. Use a similar technique for the rest of the bones. You can figure it out. If you cut yourself, don’t worry, it will just help add a little extra spice to the meal.
  7. Back to the rat heads. Using a teaspoon, scoop out the brains through the hole in the throat. Set the brains aside for now.
  8. Put the rat heads in a strong burlap sack, and place the other bones on the floor. Now, this is important, use that sack of heads to smash those other bones good! Smash ‘em! Smash ‘em real good! Keep swinging that sack until you only have little bits left, even in that bag! Sweep up the remains and put them in a pile.
  9. Put the now boneless rat remains, including the skin and fur(they’re the tastiest parts), in a good food processor. Make sure you have a good one. Never skimp on price when it comes to chopping your food. Use the right setting to get a finely ground consistency.
  10. Preheat a large cooking pot to 350 degrees, and place your ground rat into it along with you chopped garlic. Do not use a skillet! Do you understand me! You better not use a skillet if you know what’s good for you! Cook your rat meat only long enough for the outside to slightly brown, stirring as you go. We want the inside to remain a healthy red.
  11. Pour the blood you saved over the rat meat, and mix it all together. Let it all sit and gather in the flavors.
  12. Scoop the contents into a large bowl so we can reuse the dirty pot for the rat brains. Brown the rat brains the same way we did the other meat, in the juices that are left over in the pot. These are the meatballs! Yummy! When they are done,let them sit in the cooling pot.
  13. We won’t be using the bones again. I just wanted to smash them. Smash! Smash smash smash! Smash ‘em good! D’you hear!
  14. Now pour your toilet water into another large cooking pot. Bring it to a boil and chuck the rat tails in. Let them boil until they develop a translucent sheen.
  15. When they look finished, pour them out into the sink. Pick up the rat tails with a pair of tongs so you don’t burn yourself. Place an equal amount on each plate.
  16. Now spoon out an equal amount of the rat meat on each plate of rat tails.
  17. Put 4 rat brains on each plate. That leaves 2 for you to taste now. Goody, goody!
  18. Garnish each meal with a liberal amount of fresh maggots. Your spaghetti is now ready to eat!
Molto delizioso!

Have a question about this recipe? Ask in our handy dandy comments section!


  1. HHmmm...think I am going to try it without the fur...maybe I'm being wimpy but I just can't bear it when the kids waste their food by hacking up a fur ball.....maybe I'll save it and use it later in a dessert!!

  2. I don't know if I'll be able to eat spaghetti again without wondering just exactly what's in

  3. Ratty, I love ya but could not get past number 3. Quite an imagination you have.

  4. Ratty, you are bordering on insanity. I do eat quite a few strange things but this does not appeal to me. I would HAVE to triple the number of garlic cloves in mine. No spaghetti worthy of the name uses only five cloves of garlic.

    PS - Did you write this after taking your pain medication?

  5. Ugh...I was planning on having spaghetti tonight.LOL!

  6. Alright, give me the name of your Doctor, right NOW. hahaaaaaa

  7. Haha seriously? Fresh maggots and live rats as an ingredients for my spaghetti? I have to say thanks but no thanks. I think I'm gonna be sick..


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