Friday, December 4, 2009

Money Maker

I have something important to tell you, but first you have to promise not to tell anyone else. I have a way to get dirty filthy stinking rich! It took me many years to come up with my method, but I guarantee that it's almost flawless! I am living proof that you'll need almost nothing when you are through! But how did I do it?

I came up with a plan that was wonderful right from the start. The idea was to make counterfeit money! I began by figuring out an almost flawless way to print up the money. It took many years to solve this first major problem, but after a lot of thinking and hard work, I had it so almost nobody could tell the difference between my money and the real stuff. And the best part is that it's so easy do! I can make as much as I want whenever I want.

The next problem was going to be distribution. How was I going to actually spend this money without anybody suspecting what was going on. I couldn't just start behaving as if I was rich over night! So the money couldn't just come from me. After all, I knew the money looked very real, but I already mentioned it wasn't flawless. I had to think of a better way.

After thinking it through very thoroughly, I finally came up with the best method to distribute my money. I wouldn't spend it myself. I would sell it to several business owners throughout the country who needed extra funds. I figured I would trade each one of them whatever amount they could handle, and each person would then give me half that amount in real money. By going through all these middle men, no one would suspect what was happening because the money would never be all spent in one place.

As long as none of these people knew any of the others, I could do this forever without getting caught. Even if one person was too careless, he would never be able to reveal the others in our little network. Going through these businesses meant that nobody would think to check because they weren't spending much more money than they usually did. It was the perfect plan, and it has worked well for several years now!

And now here am. As I write this, I live in the lap of luxury. My big counterfeit scheme really paid off. I don't have to worry about money anymore, that's for sure! I have this place here all to myself. Everything is done for me, and I have everything I need right here. The only problem I have is another prisoner named Elmo who wants to make me his wife!


  1. I don't know. Elmo looks like he might have potential. You could do worse.

  2. @Mother Goose
    I also think I could do better. He is one psychotic muppet.

  3. I wonder why there was only conversation between mother goose and Ratty...

    And the post was hidden since December the 5th.

    Is it a counterfeit blog whereby someone would like to make Ratty his wife?

  4. Let me guess... you laundered all this money on the internet, right?

    OK, my verification word is shyphan. I'm a phan, but I'm not sure how shy!

  5. @Rainfield
    The post was always right here waiting for somebody to take mercy on it. That guy will be dreaming about counterfeit money for many years to come. He'll be kept warm at night by his new prison partner.

    If I was going to do it I'd have a much better plan than the guy in the story. Too many people just like him think they can get away with it, but they never do.

  6. Cuddling up with Elmo isn't so bad, is it? At least you aren't lonely and he has a delightful giggle when you tickle him. Now THAT is priceless. ha

  7. Hi Ratty,
    I just got a bogus $100 from the bank of all places. Can't read the "USA 100" strip and the water mark looks like more like Che Quevara than Ben Franklin. So some of your shenanigans are still circulating.

  8. @The Retired One
    The guy in the story tells me that giggle can sound pretty sinister when there are the bars of a jail cell in front of you.

    About a year and a half ago I was at the bank in time to witness them in a panic over finding some counterfeit money. The poor girl at the drive-thru window looked like she was going to cry.

  9. I am thinking of trying this. I wonder if Oscar the Grouch is in my future. I do like fuzzy blue and green as well as fuzzy red.

  10. @Smellyrhinostudio
    Be careful. I hear that Oscar can get kind of rough, plus I don't think he smells too good.


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  13. why, what's wrong with elmo? =)
    he's nice and red. LOL.

  14. Elmo?!?! Oh no!!! You crack me up. Just don't drop the soap. Hope to see ya back checking out my blog soon.

  15. @Bubu
    I'm glad you like it. I'll try to bring many more stories as time rolls on.

    @Gab's Mom
    Elmo seems to be a completely different guy when your all alone in a locked room with him. :D

    That would never happen, because Elmo is standing right behind me waiting to get it. :D

  16. @Deandean
    Thank you very much.

  17. hey! i'm waiting for the next post..guess you are so busy but a short funny story's good enough for visiting you soon

  18. @Deandean
    I have several more stories in the works. My outside time has gotten away from me since I wrote this one, so it's been rough being able to write these stories. There will definitely be more stories here, and hopefully some will begin appearing soon. Thanks for the urging for more. That's some of the best motivation I can have. I really appreciate it.


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