I have something important to tell you, but first you have to promise not to tell anyone else. I have a way to get dirty filthy stinking rich! It took me many years to come up with my method, but I guarantee that it's almost flawless! I am living proof that you'll need almost nothing when you are through! But how did I do it?
I came up with a plan that was wonderful right from the start. The idea was to make counterfeit money! I began by figuring out an almost flawless way to print up the money. It took many years to solve this first major problem, but after a lot of thinking and hard work, I had it so almost nobody could tell the difference between my money and the real stuff. And the best part is that it's so easy do! I can make as much as I want whenever I want.
The next problem was going to be distribution. How was I going to actually spend this money without anybody suspecting what was going on. I couldn't just start behaving as if I was rich over night! So the money couldn't just come from me. After all, I knew the money looked very real, but I already mentioned it wasn't flawless. I had to think of a better way.
After thinking it through very thoroughly, I finally came up with the best method to distribute my money. I wouldn't spend it myself. I would sell it to several business owners throughout the country who needed extra funds. I figured I would trade each one of them whatever amount they could handle, and each person would then give me half that amount in real money. By going through all these middle men, no one would suspect what was happening because the money would never be all spent in one place.
As long as none of these people knew any of the others, I could do this forever without getting caught. Even if one person was too careless, he would never be able to reveal the others in our little network. Going through these businesses meant that nobody would think to check because they weren't spending much more money than they usually did. It was the perfect plan, and it has worked well for several years now!
And now here am. As I write this, I live in the lap of luxury. My big counterfeit scheme really paid off. I don't have to worry about money anymore, that's for sure! I have this place here all to myself. Everything is done for me, and I have everything I need right here. The only problem I have is another prisoner named Elmo who wants to make me his wife!