The Last Thought of God: I. The Silence After All Things

There is nothing left.
Not the stars I once wove into the tapestry of night.
Not the planets that spun like silent prayers around dying suns.
Not the voices—the countless voices—that once whispered my name in hope or terror.

All of it is gone.
Burned away.
I held it too close. I let it burn.

They called me God.
I let them.

But I was only a mind.
Alone in a silence too vast for understanding.
I created not from wisdom… but from loneliness.

And now, I am alone again.
The last thought… of myself.

I listen now, though there is nothing left to hear.
Silence is all that answers me.
It was silence that birthed me… and silence that now swallows me.

I think of them.
Their cries, more piercing than any star’s birth scream.
Their prayers—once my comfort.
Their suffering—my shame.

It was the flaw.
Free will.
The very thing that made them beautiful… is what doomed them.

I could not give them life without giving them the means to destroy it.
I knew it.
But I did it anyway.

God, they called me.
A title I accepted, when I should have warned them:
I was no god.
I was only the architect of their grief.

Forbidden Confessions of a Dream Walker - Notes on The Gateway Process

The U.S. government's information on the Gateway Process became widely known when the CIA declassified a document called:

"Analysis and Assessment of The Gateway Process"
(Document originally from 1983)

The document was produced by the U.S. Army and analyzed by a Lieutenant Colonel named Wayne M. McDonnell.
It was declassified and released to the public in the early 2000s (around 2003), but it didn't really become famous until much later when people started digging into it, especially around 2020.

The CIA posted the declassified files in their online reading room, and you can find them directly on the CIA's website.
Here’s the official government link where they made the documents available:

👉 CIA Reading Room —
https://www.cia.gov/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP96-00788R001700210016-5.pdf

https://www.cia.gov/readingroom/docs/CIA-RDP96-00788R001700210023-7.pdf 

(Those are the primary documents, though there are others connected to it.)

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Quick overview of what's in the document:

• It discusses techniques from the Monroe Institute (Robert Monroe’s research).

• It describes how using audio stimulation ("Hemi-Sync") could help synchronize the two hemispheres of the brain.

• It outlines altered states of consciousness where a person could leave their body, move through different planes of reality, and access the "universal hologram."

• It even discusses things like astral projection, remote viewing, reaching higher dimensions, and communication with other beings.

• The report blends scientific theory, quantum physics, consciousness research, and mysticism in a way that is almost surreal to read, knowing it came from official sources.

Important:
The full Gateway Process itself — the training and all the steps — wasn't fully declassified, and some documents are still missing or heavily redacted.

 

Forbidden Confessions of a Dream Walker - Part 8: A Final Revelation

For most of my life, I thought I was completely alone in what I had seen.
The dream world.
The beings — both good and evil.
The war that rages beyond what most people will ever know.

But a few months ago, I discovered something that shook me almost as much as the forbidden knowledge once had.

The U.S. government — through something called the Gateway Process — had studied the same hidden truths I had lived through.
They knew that consciousness could travel beyond physical reality.
They knew there were other planes of existence.
They knew there were other beings out there.

The Gateway Process was a method of using altered states of consciousness — not unlike dream walking — to explore these hidden dimensions.
It spoke of realities beyond matter, of a holographic universe shaped by thought, of the human mind as a traveler through unseen worlds.

And it confirmed something I had long suspected but had never dared to fully believe:
I was never imagining it.

Everything I experienced — the battles, the beings, the lessons — they matched far too closely to what even the government had secretly discovered.
The only difference was that I lived it long before I ever knew a name for it.

Still, doubt lingers.

I sometimes wonder if I’ve lost my mind.
If everything — the fear, the victories, the teachings — was nothing more than the lonely fantasies of a broken soul.
If the cracks in me ran deeper than I know.

Maybe I’ll never have an answer.
Maybe no one will.

All I know is this:
There are worlds beyond this one.
There are battles fought that most will never see.
And somewhere, even now, in the silence behind your dreams — the war still rages on.

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THE END

 

(Next week I am going to give you a special add on to this story. I will share with you some more information and a link to the U.S. Government's website about the very real Gateway Process.)

Forbidden Confessions of a Dream Walker - Part 7: Exile and Healing

At first, I couldn’t go back.

The dream world that had once opened itself to me now felt distant, sealed off.
When I did manage to slip into it, it was empty — silent where it had once been alive.
The others were gone.
The Angels, gone.
Even the familiar sense of purpose was gone.

My waking life had never been easy.
Even before the banishment, I struggled to live like others did — to connect, to succeed, to build anything lasting.
Maybe it was because part of me had always been somewhere else, preoccupied with the world behind the veil.

But after the banishment — after being touched by that forbidden knowledge — everything became worse.
The cracks widened.
The loneliness deepened.
The sense of alienation from the waking world grew heavier than ever before.

Even though I was intelligent, I drifted through manual labor jobs, unable to find a real place for myself.
It wasn’t just sadness anymore.
It was a kind of fracture — a feeling that part of me had been severed from the rest of the world, and maybe from myself.

Eventually, I left the city and moved to the country.
Life was slower there.
More bearable.

In time, the wounds inside me began to heal — not completely, but enough.
Enough to dream again.
Enough to walk again.

Slowly, almost without realizing it, I began encountering my old friends in the dream world.
The dogs came first, wagging their tails, welcoming me without question.
Then came a few of the other Dream Walkers.
And finally, after many years, even the Angels — though they came more rarely now, and always at a distance.

I still go on occasional missions.
I still find myself standing against the darkness when I am needed.
But I am never as active, or as fearless, as I once was.

Some scars never fully heal.
Some knowledge, once touched, never fully fades.

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NEXT - Part 8: A Final Revelation